Words: Anna Kibbey Illustration: Jacqueline Bissett
10 signs he’s turning into Groomzilla
Gone are the days when a wedding reception meant a couple of hours’ worth of bleating benevolently at elderly relatives in your parents’ garden. Instead, your wedding might just be the best party a couple will ever go to. So it’s no surprise, then, that your husband-to-be is now likely to want some say in how it’s put together. This shift in the pre-nuptial dynamics has given rise to a scary new breed: the ‘groomzilla’. Here are the 10 telltale signs that your perennially laidback fiancé is morphing into a wedding planner from Hades:
1. The wedmin Excel spreadsheet is password protected.
2. Acronyms have become a big part of everyday parlance: FOTB (Father of the Bride), STD (Save the Date) and NWR (Not Wedding Related).
3. He’s block booked sessions at the tanning salon.
4. He is preparing a brief for the best man’s speech.
5. He has started eating ‘paleo’.
6. Leg weights and an abdominal toning belt are integral parts of his loungewear.
7. There’s a Pinterest board of table decorations that you didn’t create.
8. Emails are marked ‘urgent’ and key sentences are in bold fonts and capitals.
9. He’s taken charge of his own stag do: a week in Las Vegas with a line-up of bucket-list activities.
10. He buys a motorbike or super trendy sports car. For your big exit, of course.
Navigating the guest list minefield
Step 1: Make your policy decisions
Children: ban them entirely, or leave it up to parents? (Warning: kids in a separate room is the worst of both worlds.)
Partners: long-term partners should be invited but not every guest needs a +1.
Family: should take priority over friends.
B-list: nominate your subs bench if you’re sending out second-round invites.
Evening guests: it’s fine to invite work colleagues to the reception only.
Step 2: Start with a long wish list, then whittle it down
It’s the capacity of the venue that sets the true upper limit on numbers. Do point this out to anyone who’s disgruntled about not being allowed the +1 they picked up at Singles Night last week.
Choosing a gift list
Classic– johnlewis.com
Original ideas – notonthehighstreet.com
Surprises – notanotherbill.com
One-stop shop – prezola.com
Honeymoney – buy-our-honeymoon.com
Clever cash – zankyou.com
Feel good – oxfam.org.uk
30-second guide to wedding flowers
Spend your research time nailing down a florist that fits your style and budget – they’ll do the rest for you.
Unless you’ve got a must-have flower in mind, don’t waste time on particular blooms. Better to Pinterest a board of arrangements you like then share with your florist.
Most wedding flowers fall into one of four categories: classic and formal; wild and rambling; pretty and homespun; or architectural and modern.
Be guided by the style of your dress, table settings, venue and, of course, the season.
Don’t underestimate the final cost of flowers – it usually adds up to around 8% of the total budget.
Delegating: Who does what?
Before you go all Donald Trump on your nearest and dearest, just ask a few of them what they’d like to be involved in. This is a benevolent dictatorship, after all. Then you can make some gentle suggestions…
Groom: making table numbers; building signs; liaising with entertainers; compiling playlists; briefing the photographer; arranging the transport; collaborating on food and drink; booking the honeymoon
Mother of the bride: consultancy role on dress finding, flowers and guest list; management of RSVPs; fielding senior relatives on the day
Mother of the groom: consultancy on guest list and cake (good for bonding); fielding senior relatives on the day
Father of the bride: speech writing (leave him to it)
Father of the groom: drinks
Bridesmaids: emotional support; admin assistance (remember it’s unpaid: don’t ask too much) and pre-wedding fun
Sisters: style guidance (if appropriate); guest list consultation
Brothers/ushers: distributing buttonholes; rounding up family for photos; paying entertainers; carrying flowers from ceremony to reception; general practical assistance on the day
Tips on transport
Book your car early, particularly if it’s a vintage number – demand is seriously high in peak season.
Make sure you also have transport for your mum and your bridesmaids, as well as the groom and his best man. Don’t forget grandparents either.
Check if the hire car can be delivered with a bottle of fizz so you and your new husband can celebrate on the way to the reception.
Don’t forget the ribbon (it’s a bugger to tie neatly, so check that the hire company will do it for you).
Give your chauffeur the number of one of your bridesmaids in case of problems on the day.
This article was first published in Square Meal Weddings, 2015