Cheesier than baked Camembert, camp as Carmen Miranda, louder than a Hawaii Five-O shirt and as kitsch as an Annette Funicello beach bimbo movie, Portobello’s Trailer Happiness is a top tiki dive. If rum is your thing, order Dr Fang (light gold rum, Velvet Falernum, pomegranate, absinthe and bitters), Cool Cat in a Hat (Diplomatico Reserva Exclusiva, sweet vermouth, Galliano, orange tincture and Marasca cherry liqueur) or Don Zombie – a dangerous concoction involving no fewer than nine rums. Fancy a different spirit? Try grappling with Scaramanga – a bittersweet gin fizz comprising Bombay Sapphire, lemon, Campari, orange and homemade grapefruit soda. As for food, you would be crackers not to sample Trailer’s dim sum and spring rolls – just add John Waters’ trash decor and a sleazy foot-tapping soundtrack for a happy ending.